(mumbling)

Oliver Utzt

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Jun 11, 2020

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Hello. My name is Oliver

(Hello, Oliver)

I’m a nice guy

(clapping)

We’re getting quite a bad rap. We’re ridiculous, we’re weak, dangerous, creepy, unmanly, stupid. If you’re a man in the 21st century and if you want success in your profession, in sports, in love, in life in general, you can be anything you want, unless you’re nice.

“He was such a nice person, we don’t know how this could happen” is the standard phrase uttered by the neighbors, when another serial killer was found living next door.

Self help gurus, career coaches, dating advisors all join in, singing the chorus “Don’t be a nice guy”. Women are creeped out, when you smile without advancing, they get angry, when you open the door for them, look for security, when you offer to help them carry something heavy and, of course, scorn the guy sitting with them the whole night listening to their sob stories.

Wanna escape the friend zone? Stop being nice.

Strangers prepare for a fist fight, when you compliment their beard (just happened today), waiters get irritated when you sing their restaurant’s praises and clerks just don’t have time for that crap when you thank them for their services.

Leave a like on our website and share. But don’t come bothering us personally.

“What do you get out of this being nice? Do you hope for a bonus, a discount, friendship, sex? Don’t.”

It’s much simpler than that. Being nice is its own reward.

Being polite, saying please and thank you and hello, pointing out the good things, helping people by lending a hand or an ear, smiling at a stranger, petting a stray cat, stepping out of somebody’s way, trying to do the right thing in a given situation, going that one little step more to make the day a bit brighter, in short, being nice, makes me feel good.

“So you creep out people just for your own wellbeing?”

It’s much simpler than that. That’s the way I am.

Some people can deal with that, some can’t. A lot of us these days are stuck in the game of trading. Goods, favors, money. When someone is polite, they want to sell you something. If someone complements you, they want something else from you. If someone gives, they want something in return.

I don’t like to play that game. I have the right to express myself the way I see fit, unless I hurt somebody else. Being nice is per definition nothing you do to hurt. Being nice is nothing to be afraid of. Only when you decide to remain stuck in the game of trading, you get suspicious, whether the nice person is just following a business strategy. It’s your own thoughts, it’s your game. Not mine.

And no, I don’t have much success in business or with women. It’s not as hard as described above, but there are a lot of people that can’t handle a nice guy, or take him serious as a person, a partner, a man. If you’re nice to get some, don’t. If you give to receive, don’t. If you have to change your attitude or personality to be nice, don’t.

I know and love a lot of people who are genuinely not nice. How you deal with everyday life, how you communicate and think and act doesn’t tell much about you being a decent human being or not. I’m not nice to be better, to be a good person. I’m not better or a good person, because I’m nice. It’s just the way I am.

When I witness something intolerable happening, I stop being nice. I have enough martial arts experience not to push for a fight, but I won’t stand by and watch as something happens that I deem unjust. I act and I am prepared to get bruised for what I think to be right. That attitude alone often enough deescalates the situation. I am glad, because I prefer to be nice.

When I’m in doubt, when I’m confronted with something new and unexpected, when I am unsure and even when I’m afraid, my default reaction is not aggression. It’s curiosity, it’s niceness asking, wtf is going on.

This might not resonate with a lot of people, but I am unwilling to stop being a nice guy. Changing to fit in, to get money, respect or a girlfriend, is no viable option. That’s a question of integrity. And experience.

And believe me, I tried. I was told throughout my life to be more assertive, to be brash, to hit back, to not let THAT pass. I tried, I failed, because that’s not me.

I’m a nice guy.